I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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