a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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