Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
His nipple licking is glorious
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