Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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