Cold hands, warm shart.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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