i think my tv is drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
