dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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