it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
