How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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