I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
