So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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