AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
