i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your cock deserves a montage
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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