thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
