I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
