The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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