When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
