Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
