If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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