Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
