Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drunk is not a location!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
