Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
