dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
