I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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