There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
