Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
