we're chasing vodka with high fives
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
