Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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