he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
