I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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