if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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