he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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