I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
