and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
