yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
