You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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