I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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