He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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