During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
