I need help removing her.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
