Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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