next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize