You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
