This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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