dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
