Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
