they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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