he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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