Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
