I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
