Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
