I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
