there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize