I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
