I want to stick my p in your. b.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
