I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize