i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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