forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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