I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
