there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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