At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
