i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
