Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
