I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize