Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
