just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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