i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
